Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Blog Response 5
Bourdain believes that people must know their role in the workplace and be humble in order to get promoted in the future. Bourdain realizes that his employers and peers don't like to work with egos. The manipulative Bourdain also discovers that the job is about the customer and not only him. Dimitri, the pasta man who worked at the CIA where Bourdain learns how to cook. Dimitri gains honesty and respect from Bourdain because he knows what he is doing and what he is asked for. Bourdain is someone that the employers relate to because he is "A guy who's come up through the ranks, who knows every station, every recipe, every corner of the restaurant and who has first, learned your system above all others is likely to be more valuable and long-term than some bed-wetting white boy whose mom brought him up thinking the world owed him a living, and actually thinks he knows a few things."
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Your second and third sentences do a good job or repeating the subject and transition well.
ReplyDeleteHowever, notice the poor transition to Dimitri when you go to that unnecessary example! Like others, you went to the book instead of just using the outline given to you. Trust in the outline and go off what is there. Furthermore, your summary of Dmitri is inaccurate, because they met in Provincetown, not at CIA. Instead of focusing on using the strategies of repeating the subject, you shifted wrongly to something that got your paragraph in trouble!!!
Your use of the quote is a bit odd because Bourdain is the one who said that quote, not had it said about him! Therefore, you don't accurately use the content.
Your paragraph is best when you focus on just using the outline given to you and the strategies reviewed. It would be good for you to practice shifting the object of a sentence to the subject of the next one. Keep at it. You'll get better. You seem to have a good handle on repeating the subject with synonyms.
Grade: 8/10